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Lonely at Christmas

Christmas is traditionally a happy times for families and getting together with friends, But what if your Christmas isn’t going to be spent as part of a crowd? What if you don’t have much in the way of family and your friends are busy with their own family gatherings? Perhaps you’re working. Or maybe, if you’ve lost somebody close to you or you’re in the aftermath of divorce, you just don’t feel like celebrating.

If your Christmas isn’t going to be a traditional family affair, you may feel alienated from the festive build-up on high streets and television. So how do you set about feeling a part of Christmas, even if you don’t have a crowd coming around for a turkey roast and a few rounds of a favourite board game?

Christmas alone

It is difficult to estimate how many people will be spending Christmas alone this year. The proportion of adults living alone is around 16%, nearly double the number in the early 70s.

“People may feel really uncomfortable and unsure about Christmas,” says Barbara Bloomfield a counselling supervisor and author of The Relate Guide to Finding Love.

“This may be the result of pressure to conform to a social ideal presented by the media: buying, spending, eating, drinking, dressing up, getting on and interacting in a small space with others.”

However, according to Barbara, aloneness or being single at Christmas doesn’t have to equate to loneliness. In fact, she suggests more and more people will opt to be alone, perhaps encouraged by the interactions afforded by the internet, which enable friends and family to communicate even while they’re apart.

“I would imagine we will see more and more people wanting to please themselves and not conform, reflecting changing patterns in communicating and socialising,” she says.

Whether you’re spending Christmas alone through choice or through circumstances, here are some tips to make the day pass with some festive cheer:

Have a plan. “Don't be alone by default, because you've avoided thinking about it,” says Barbara. “Your plan could be anything - cleaning your flat, taking a long coast walk, or reading that big novel with your feet up.”
Do something different: take a plane trip. “It's the quietest day of the year at the airports,” says Barbara. “Why not visit a long-lost friend in a far-off country?”
Get inspired by the festive spirit and give, don't get. “Volunteering for a night shelter or a place that feeds homeless people is incredibly rewarding and makes you appreciate what you've got,” says Barbara. “Many charities are out and about at Christmas time.”
Take a retreat or a study course - home or abroad. “I think the mindset you might aim for is the ‘higher’ thinking that we associate with meditation or religious feeling: the feeling of being connected with humanity and marvelling in the beauty and variety of our natural world,” says Barbara. “The closer you look at something, the more of a miracle it becomes. Taking a course in meditation, mindfulness or other spiritual practice will help you to achieve this state of peace and embracing other people whilst being alone. Lighting candles or enjoying your own small rituals of the natural world, like a bonfire, watching a sunrise or sunset or walking out into deepest nature, will be an experience that always stays with you and will enrich you.”