——————–16 February 2009“Chaerin ah,

——————–
16 February 2009

“Chaerin ah, did you like the food at the restaurant?”

Silence.

Jiyong turned to look at Chaerin who was walking next to him.

But she was not there.

He turned around and then saw her staring at the shop window and doing her aegyo actions at the window and taking photo of whatever it was that got her attention.

Who got her attention and made her all cutesy?
Doesn’t she know that when she’s all cute like that, guys will be attracted to her?

He walked back to her and stood behind her so he could observe without disturbing. When he saw what had gotten her attention, he smiled.

Inside the shop was the cutest Chinese shar-pei puppy ever. And the puppy was reacting to Chaerin’s cute actions by coming close to the window and wanting Chaerin to touch him. Chaerin laughed at the cute antics that the puppy was showing. Her laugh made Jiyong grin. He took her hand and pulled her inside the store. That shocked her because she didn’t know that he was standing behind her.

“Let’s go inside.”

When they got into the store, Jiyong got the shop assistant to bring the puppy out of the window so that they could play with it. At first, Chaerin stood from afar and satisfy herself with just taking photos of it while Jiyong played with the puppy. But the puppy just kept coming to her and when she finally picked it up and held it close to her, he licked her face and she burst out laughing.

“Let’s get it.”

Chaerin looked at Jiyong like he has gone crazy.

“Oppa, with our schedules, we can’t possibly keep a pet. A dog needs a lot of attention and love. No, we shouldn’t get it and deprive him of a better home.”

Chaerin returned the puppy to the shop assistant, thanking her and said goodbye to the puppy.

“Come on, oppa, let’s go.”

“But you like it so much.”

“Exactly because I like it so much, I know he deserved better. Come on, we are going to be late. Teddy oppa is waiting for us to record ‘The Leaders’.”

Without a second glance at the puppy or Jiyong, Chaerin walked out of the shop. She quickly dabbed at the tears because she didn’t want Jiyong to see it.

She loved that puppy and wish she could bring it home. But to get it together with Jiyong felt right and wrong at the same time. She knew she would like to raise the puppy together with him but she doubted that was what he had in mind.

He has a girlfriend now.

Jiyong looked at the puppy one last time and then he told the shop assistant.

“I’d come back for him next week. Please do not let anyone get him ok?”

“Sure, are you planning to give your girlfriend a surprise?”

Jiyong frowned at the question.

No, my girlfriend doesn’t like animals.

Then he realized that the shop assistant had mistaken Chaerin as his girlfriend. He was about to set things right but then he shrugged.

It was going to be a surprise anyway.

He just smiled and thanked the shop assistant for agreeing.

He walked out of the pet shop to catch up with Chaerin, and he didn’t bring up the topic of the puppy again.

One week later, 3 days before Chaerin’s birthday, he went back to the pet shop to pick up the puppy. He was going to give it to her as a birthday gift.
—————————————————————————————–

He remembered how on the day of Chaerin’s birthday, he suddenly had to fly to Japan because his girlfriend then was throwing a fit about him not spending enough time with her. So when he finally came back from Japan, Chaerin’s birthday has passed. He was left with the puppy which he couldn’t give back. The puppy had stolen his heart, just like it had with Chaerin’s. So he kept the puppy and made him his son.

He smiled remembering Chaerin’s expression when she saw Gaho for the first time. She had been avoiding him for weeks after her birthday because he bailed out on her. He had asked her out for dinner before joining the others for the party at YGE.

He didn’t show up.

He looked at Gaho now. He was glad that he got the puppy then and kept it. It was one of the last thing that they shared before 2NE1’s debut. After that, they all became too busy chasing after their own dreams.

And he lost sight of Chaerin. Maybe since then, he sees her but doesn’t see her. He was extra careful too because 2NE1 has just gotten their start and any scandal would have buried them. Not that there weren’t any rumors about him and Chaerin being close, or too close for comfort, but there would always be bigger scandals and rumors that would cover them all up.

There was a knock on his door and he looked up to see Youngbae at the door.

“Hey Ji, doing alright buddy?”

Jiyong smiled for his best friend for the longest time.

“Come in. Have a chat with me. It’s been a long time since I sat down with you and not talk about work.”

Youngbae walked in and sat down on the beanbag beside Jiyong’s bed. Jiyong sat up in his own bed. Gaho got up and went to Youngbae for a belly rub because he was the best at it. Youngbae played with Gaho for a while before returning his attention back to Jiyong.

“You know, Gaho was actually a birthday gift for Chaerin. We saw him about 10 days before her birthday in 2009 and she fell in love with it. I wanted to get it on the spot for her, but she refused. I told the shop assistant to keep it for me and I went to get it 3 days before her birthday. I never got to give him to her.”

“I remembered that birthday. She came to the party alone. She was smiling and laughing along with the rest of us but we all knew that she had been crying before she arrived at YGE. Her bloodshot eyes and pale face gave her away. She covered it up well but there was still a tinge of sadness that couldn’t be covered up by make-up. We didn’t know what happened until the girls woke up in the middle of the night 2 days later because they heard sounds coming from the living room. They walked out to see what was happening.”

Youngbae paused and stared at Jiyong.

“They found Chaerin staring at the TV screen. She was watching a video of you. Just short snippets of stolen moments. She was laughing at the funny moments and crying at the sad ones. Her members just stood there, hidden, watching her watch you on TV. At the end of the footage, she got up, took the CD out of the CD player and broke it into 2. She held the broken pieces in her hands so hard that they cut her and she began to bleed. She didn’t even realize she was bleeding until Dara and Bom came to her and gently pried the CD from her hands. That was when she looked down and saw the blood. Minzy came with the first aid box and they started to tend to her injury. She sat through all that without crying a single tear. She thanked them when the bandages were done and walked out of the dorm. Minzy wanted to follow her but she shook her head and asked her to stay.

When she got back, she had breakfast in her hands for everyone. She knew that they would stay up to wait for her so she got them breakfast. Over breakfast, she told them that you were supposed to meet her for dinner before going for the party together but you never showed up. She waited till it was almost time for the party before she left. She cried in the cab on her way to YGE but she remembered to touch up on her make-up before stepping into the party. She told her members not to make a big deal out of it and they were under her strict orders not to confront you since you were already in trouble for the news of you and Kiko being photographed in Japan on her birthday.”

Youngbae stopped talking because Jiyong had started crying again. It hurt Youngbae to see Jiyong in tears. He put his hand on Jiyong’s arm to comfort him but he knew he had to say what he wanted to say next.

“Jiyong ah, stay away from Chaerin for now. I know you are hurting very badly right now and all you want to do is to find her and see her again. But to be very honest, even if you manage to find her now, what are you going to say to her? A simple ‘sorry’ is not going to be enough. She never cared much for your apologies because to her, there will always be a next time when you are going to do the exact same thing and then say sorry again. Think about this. Because you really need to know what to say to her when you see her again to keep her by your side.”

The two best friends sat there without another word. Youngbae didn’t stop Jiyong from crying because he knew that he needed the relief. He knew that while Chaerin had been hurt by Jiyong’s actions, Jiyong has been hurt by his own actions. Some of these actions might have been subconsciously connected to Chaerin. No matter what, the 2 of them have been hurt too much over the past 6 years and they need to meet again, without all the baggage of those 6 years. Like what Teddy said, they needed a clean slate.

Before leaving Jiyong’s room, Youngbae left him with some advice.

“Ji, take a trip back to our trainee years. Relive those moments where we were young and all we cared about was to stand on that stage and be recognized for our music. I don’t know if it would help you find what you have lost somewhere along the way but I think it would be good for healing a part of you that you have neglected for too long. Just stay contactable, ok?”

In that split second, Jiyong realized Youngbae was right. There was a part of him that he had not felt for a long time. It was like if he were to look at the past 6 years, he had lost something that he can’t quite put a finger to it yet. He needed to search for it again and taking a trip back to yesteryears didn’t seem like a bad idea.

It wasn’t a bad idea at all because Chaerin was there too.

He wiped away his tears and resolved not to cry anymore because of Chaerin’s departure. It’s not an end, but a beginning to a journey that would bring what is important to him back into sight and he intend to make sure that Chaerin was part of it. She is his future but before he can start the journey back to her, and into their future, he ne