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DOUBLE STANDARDFAMILY IS UNEASY WHE
DOUBLE STANDARD
FAMILY IS UNEASY WHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S EX-LOVER
DEAR ABBY:
My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerous affairs over the past several years after her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was looking for, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimate at that time, and we started seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried about having her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They say it's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimate with Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothers them.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed to their pressure, but my relationship with Will is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make my sister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relationship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knows what she wants, and confront the double standard in your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough to have serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldly they have turned a blind eye to it, then they should all be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too. Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be able to get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people pleaser for the rest of your life.
FAMILY IS UNEASY WHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S EX-LOVER
DEAR ABBY:
My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerous affairs over the past several years after her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was looking for, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimate at that time, and we started seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried about having her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They say it's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimate with Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothers them.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed to their pressure, but my relationship with Will is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make my sister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relationship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knows what she wants, and confront the double standard in your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough to have serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldly they have turned a blind eye to it, then they should all be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too. Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be able to get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people pleaser for the rest of your life.
0/5000
TIÊU CHUẨN KÉPGIA ĐÌNH LÀ KHÓ CHỊU KHI HAI NGÀY KHÁC CỦA EX-LOVERTHÂN YÊU ABBY: Em gái tôi, "Jane," và tôi là cả hai trong của chúng tôi giữa thập niên 50. Jane đã có nhiều vụ rắc rối trong vài năm qua sau khi ly hôn thứ ba của mình, và đã tham gia vào một "thân mật mối quan hệ" với một người đàn ông tuyệt vời, "Sẽ," kéo dài khoảng ba tháng. Jane tan rã với sẽ vài tháng sau khi cô quyết định ông không phải là những gì cô đã tìm kiếm, và cô đã hiện tham gia để được kết hôn với một người đàn ông rất tốt đẹp ("Sam") và có vẻ rất hạnh phúc. Tôi ngày sẽ nhiều lần trước khi ông và Jane đã tham gia. Chúng tôi đã không thân mật tại thời điểm đó, và chúng tôi bắt đầu nhìn thấy nhau một lần nữa trong tháng trước. Thời gian này chúng tôi đã rơi vào tình yêu. Vấn đề của tôi là Jane là buồn bã và tôi sẽ với nhau và nói tôi đã "phản bội" của mình. Cô ấy là lo lắng về việc có người yêu của cô quá khứ và hiện tại hiện diện tại các cuộc tụ họp gia đình, và cha mẹ của chúng tôi cũng có liên quan. Họ nói đó là "chỉ lạ." Một thực tế rằng chị được thân mật với sẽ không bận tâm tôi hoặc sẽ, nhưng nó chắc chắn phiền họ. Abby, tôi đã luôn luôn là các cô gái tốt"" trong gia đình và cúi với áp lực của họ, nhưng mối quan hệ của tôi với sẽ là nhiều hơn tôi có thể có bao giờ tưởng tượng, và tôi không muốn bỏ hạnh phúc trong tương lai của tôi chỉ để làm cho chị em tôi và cha mẹ tôi thoải mái hơn. Con dành cho người lớn có tất cả đã gặp và phê duyệt của sẽ và mối quan hệ của chúng tôi, nhưng Jane và mẹ sẽ không budge. Bất kỳ đề xuất? -MUỐN SẼ Ở WALLA WALLA, WASHThân yêu muốn sẽ: Có lẽ đó là thời gian để ngăn chặn là các cô gái tốt"," bắt đầu hoạt động như một người phụ nữ những người hiểu biết những gì mình muốn, và đối đầu với tiêu chuẩn kép trong gia đình của bạn. Nếu em gái của bạn là "tinh vi" đủ để có giao tiếp nối tiếp, và cha mẹ của bạn đã như vậy thế gian họ đã quay nhắm mắt làm ngơ để nó, sau đó tất cả họ cần phải trưởng thành, đủ để nhận ra rằng bạn có quyền để hạnh phúc của bạn, quá. Mặc dù điều này có thể làm cho một số khó khăn đầu tiên vài họp mặt gia đình, như là trồng-up, tất cả mọi người có thể vượt qua nó. Nhưng nếu họ có thể không, bạn sẽ phải quyết định xem bạn muốn người đàn ông này, hoặc là một pleaser người cho phần còn lại của cuộc sống của bạn.
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DOUBLE STANDARD
FAMILY IS UNEASY WHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S EX-LOVER
DEAR ABBY:
My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerous affairs over the past several years after her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was looking for, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimate at that time, and we started seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried about having her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They say it's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimate with Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothers them.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed to their pressure, but my relationship with Will is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make my sister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relationship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knows what she wants, and confront the double standard in your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough to have serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldly they have turned a blind eye to it, then they should all be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too. Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be able to get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people pleaser for the rest of your life.
FAMILY IS UNEASY WHEN ONE SISTER DATES OTHER'S EX-LOVER
DEAR ABBY:
My sister, "Jane," and I are both in our mid-50s. Jane has had numerous affairs over the past several years after her third divorce, and was involved in an "intimate relationship" with a terrific man, "Will," that lasted about three months. Jane broke up with Will several months after she decided he wasn't what she was looking for, and she's presently engaged to be married to a very nice man ("Sam") and seems very happy.
I dated Will several times before he and Jane became involved. We weren't intimate at that time, and we started seeing each other again over the last month. This time we have fallen in love.
My problem is Jane is upset that Will and I are together and says I have "betrayed" her. She is worried about having her former and current lovers present at family gatherings, and our parents are also concerned. They say it's "just weird." The fact that my sister was intimate with Will doesn't bother me or Will, but it sure bothers them.
Abby, I have always been the "good girl" in the family and bowed to their pressure, but my relationship with Will is more than I could have ever imagined, and I don't want to give up my future happiness just to make my sister and my parents more comfortable. My adult children have all met and approve of Will and our relationship, but Jane and my parents won't budge. Any suggestions?
-- WANTS WILL IN WALLA WALLA, WASH.
DEAR WANTS WILL: Perhaps it's time to stop being the "good girl," begin acting like a woman who knows what she wants, and confront the double standard in your family. If your sister was "sophisticated" enough to have serial affairs, and your parents have been so worldly they have turned a blind eye to it, then they should all be adult enough to realize that you are entitled to your happiness, too. Although this may make for some awkward first few family gatherings, as grown-ups, everyone should be able to get past it. But if they can't, you are going to have to decide whether you want this man, or to be a people pleaser for the rest of your life.
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