All of us communicate with one anot

All of us communicate with one another nonverbally, as well as with words. Most of the time we’re not aware that we’re doing it. We gesture with eyebrows or a hand, meet someone else’s eyes and look away, shift positions in a chair. These actions we assume are random and incidental. But researchers have discovered in recent years that there is a system to them almost as consistent and comprehensible as language.

Every culture has its own body language, and children absorb its nuances along with spoken language. A Frenchman talks and moves in French. The way an Englishman crosses his legs is nothing like the way a male American does it. In talking, Americans are apt to end a statement with a droop of the head or hand, a lowering of the eyelid. They wind up a question with a lift of the hand, a tilt of the chin or a widening of the eyes. With a future-tense verb they often gesture with a forward movement.

There are regional idioms too: An expert can sometimes pick out a native of Wisconsin just by the way he uses his eyebrows during · conversation. Your sex, ethnic background, social class and personal style all influence your body language. Nevertheless, you move and gesture within the American idiom.

The person who is truly bilingual is also bilingual in body language. New York’s famous mayor, Fiorello La Guaridia, politicked in English, Italian and Yiddish. When films of his speeches are run without sound, it’s not too difficult to identify from his gestures the language he was speaking. One of the reasons English-dubbed foreign films often seem flat is that the gestures don’t match the language.

Usually, the wordless communication acts to qualify the words. What the nonverbal elements express very often, and very efficiently, is the emotional side of the message. When a person feels liked or disliked, often it’s a case of “not what he said but the way he said it.” Psychologist Albert Mehrabian has devised this formula: total impact of a message =7 percent verbal +38 percent vocal +55 percent facial. The importance of the voice can be seen when you consider that even the words “I hate you” can be made to sound sexy.

Experts in kinesics-the study of communication through body movement-are not prepared to spell out a precise vocabulary of gestures. When an American rubs his nose, it may mean he is disagreeing with someone or rejecting something. But there are other possible interpretations, too.

One of the most potent elements in body language is eye behavior. Americans are careful about how and when they meet one another’s eyes. In our normal conversation, each eye contact lasts only about a second before one or both individuals look away. When two Americans look searchingly into each other’s eyes, emotions are heightened and the relationship becomes more intimate. Therefore, we can carefully avoid this, except in appropriate circumstances.

Americans abroad sometimes find local eye behavior hard to interpret. “People stared right at me on the street, they looked me up and down. I kept wondering if I was uncombed or unzipped.” Finally, a friend explained that Israelis think nothing of staring at others on the street.

Proper street behavior in the United States requires a nice balance of attention and inattention. You are supposed to look at a passerby just enough to show that you’re aware of his presence. If you look too little, you appear haughty or