Mobile Phones - a great invention?M

Mobile Phones - a great invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all people today choose to own a mobile phone. From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies. Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier, or ears problems. In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. It is essential not good for you and others. Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist.

Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.

P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.
Last edited by Jane91; 03-Oct-2009 at 05:11.
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#2 03-Oct-2009, 06:44
Re: Advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones. (please correct it)
Quote Originally Posted by Jane91 View Post
Mobile Phones - a great invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody [This is an over-generalization: many people do not like them. Use "most people" or something similar] since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all [good, but still, is it true?] people today choose to own a mobile phone. From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies. Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier [the blood-brain barrier is simply the normal anatomical barrier between the bloodstream and the brain; it's not a condition] , or ears problems. In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. It is essential not good for you and others. Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist.
[You haven't discussed the irritating effect on other people in restaurants, buses etc. from users shouting down their phones].

Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.

P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.
R.
Ann1977 Ann1977 is offline
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#3 03-Oct-2009, 07:00
Re: Advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones. (please correct it)
Mobile Phones - a great invention?
Mobile Phones -- A Flawed Invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.
> Delete
> See? We are trimming words already

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody since it is very convenient.
> phoneS have
> popular FOR everybody
> since THEY are
> delete "very"
Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular.

The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all people today choose to own a mobile phone.
> Reduce the word count by deleting the repetition of the same idea.
> You have used all these words to point out that mobile phones are mobile.
With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection.

From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies.
> "assist you in business a lot, such as,. . " should be "assist you in business by . . "
> Don't shift from "we" to "you"
> "make schedule of working" does not really carry a meaning
> Surfing the internet belongs in the next sentence
Our cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses.

Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.
We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages.
> Don't say both "on the other hand" AND "also"
But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones.

Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old.
> using mobile phones a lot can harm your brain
> spell out the number 16 as a word
Using mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen.

If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier, or ears problems.
> Blood-brain barrier is not a harmful effect. It is a part of the body.
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness,
(NOTE: Connect this sentence with the one after the next)

In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident.
> get IN an accident
(NOTE: Move this part to after the next one)
And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.

Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist.
> It has not been proved by many scientists.
and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.)
(NOTE: Attach this after the word "dizziness" in the sentence above)

It is essential not good for you and others. Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.
> This little summary is disorganized and poorly thought out.
Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand.

But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for you!

P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.

I ran this through a Word doc to get a word count. This comes in at 190 words.

Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular. With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection. Our cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses. We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.

But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones. Using mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen. Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.) And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.

Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand.

But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for

Mobile Phones - a great invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all people today choose to own a mobile phone. From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies. Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier, or ears problems. In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. It is essential not good for you and others. Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist.

Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.

P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.
Last edited by Jane91; 03-Oct-2009 at 05:11.
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#2 03-Oct-2009, 06:44
Re: Advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones. (please correct it)
Quote Originally Posted by Jane91 View Post
Mobile Phones - a great invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody [This is an over-generalization: many people do not like them. Use "most people" or something similar] since it is very convenient. The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all [good, but still, is it true?] people today choose to own a mobile phone. From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies. Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier [the blood-brain barrier is simply the normal anatomical barrier between the bloodstream and the brain; it's not a condition] , or ears problems. In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. It is essential not good for you and others. Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist. 
[You haven't discussed the irritating effect on other people in restaurants, buses etc. from users shouting down their phones].

P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.
R.
Ann1977 Ann1977 is offline
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#3 03-Oct-2009, 07:00
Re: Advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones. (please correct it)
Mobile Phones - a great invention?
Mobile Phones -- A Flawed Invention?

Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.
> Delete
> See? We are trimming words already

Today, mobile phone has become popular to everybody since it is very convenient. 
> phoneS have
> popular FOR everybody
> since THEY are 
> delete "very"
Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular.

The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all people today choose to own a mobile phone. 
> Reduce the word count by deleting the repetition of the same idea.
> You have used all these words to point out that mobile phones are mobile.
With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection.

From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies.
> "assist you in business a lot, such as,. . " should be "assist you in business by . . "
> Don't shift from "we" to "you"
> "make schedule of working" does not really carry a meaning
> Surfing the internet belongs in the next sentence
Our cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses.

Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.
We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.

On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. 
> Don't say both "on the other hand" AND "also"
But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones.

Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. 
> using mobile phones a lot can harm your brain
> spell out the number 16 as a word
Using mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen.

If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier, or ears problems. 
> Blood-brain barrier is not a harmful effect. It is a part of the body.
Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, 
(NOTE: Connect this sentence with the one after the next)

In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. 
> get IN an accident
(NOTE: Move this part to after the next one)
And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.

Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist. 
> It has not been proved by many scientists.
and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.)
(NOTE: Attach this after the word "dizziness" in the sentence above)

It is essential not good for you and others. Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.
> This little summary is disorganized and poorly thought out.
Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand.

But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for you!

I ran this through a Word doc to get a word count. This comes in at 190 words.

Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular. With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection. Our cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses. We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.

But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones. Using mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen. Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.) And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.

Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand.

But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for

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Điện thoại di động - một phát minh tuyệt vời?Điện thoại di động là một công nghệ tốt đó là không thiếu từ cuộc sống của chúng tôi. Báo cáo này sẽ thảo luận về những lợi thế và bất lợi của việc sử dụng điện thoại di động.Hôm nay, điện thoại di động đã trở thành phổ biến cho tất cả mọi người kể từ khi nó là rất thuận tiện. Những lợi thế của việc có một điện thoại di động là bạn có thể giao tiếp với gia đình của bạn và bạn bè của bạn không có vấn đề gì đâu chứ. Ví dụ, bạn có thể liên hệ với một cách dễ dàng để bạn bè của bạn bằng cách gọi điện thoại hoặc gửi tin nhắn ở khắp mọi nơi mà không có điện. Nó có lẽ là lý do chính tại sao hầu như tất cả mọi người vào ngày hôm nay chọn để sở hữu một điện thoại di động. Từ theo quan điểm của khách hàng, nó là rõ ràng rằng điện thoại di động giúp bạn trong kinh doanh rất nhiều, chẳng hạn như, làm cho lịch trình làm việc, lướt internet, và giữ liên lạc với công ty của họ. Hơn nữa, bạn có thể thư giãn với điện thoại di động ứng dụng, ví dụ, chơi trò chơi, nghe nhạc, hay trò chuyện với bạn bè của bạn.Mặt khác, cũng là khó khăn. Bằng cách sử dụng rất nhiều điện thoại di động có thể làm hại bạn não, đặc biệt là thiếu niên và trẻ em dưới 16 tuổi. Nếu bạn sử dụng điện thoại di động quá nhiều, bạn sẽ nhận được ảnh hưởng xấu như chóng mặt, hàng rào máu - não, hoặc các vấn đề tai. Ngoài ra, khi bạn sử dụng điện thoại di động trong khi bạn đang lái xe, bạn sẽ nhận được một tai nạn. Nó là điều cần thiết không tốt cho bạn và những người khác. Hơn nữa, "tia phóng xạ phát ra từ điện thoại chết có hại cho màng Nhĩ", đã chứng minh bởi nhiều nhà khoa học. Sở hữu một điện thoại di động trong tay của bạn là bạn có thể giải quyết nhiều vấn đề và giữ hầu hết thông tin trên khắp thế giới. Mặc dù không phải là tốt cho sức khỏe của bạn và bạn có để bảo vệ bạn khỏi các tác động xấu của điện thoại di động nếu bạn muốn có một.P/s: xin vui lòng giúp tôi để sửa chữa bài luận này từ tuần tới tôi sẽ làm bài thị cuối khóa. Làm thế nào tôi có thể làm giảm bài luận này bởi vì tôi nên viết từ 150 đến từ 180 và tiểu luận này có khoảng 291 từ. Cảm ơn bạn đã giúp tôi.Bài Jane91; 03 tháng mười, 2009 at 05:11. Của Raymott Avatar Raymott Raymott là diễn đànThành viên VIP Thông tin thành viênTham gia ngày: Tháng Sáu 2008Bài viết: 21,934Cảm ơn bài viết / như #2 03 tháng mười 2009, 06:44Re: Lợi thế và bất lợi của việc sử dụng điện thoại di động. (xin vui lòng cập nhật nó)Báo được gửi bởi Jane91 View PostĐiện thoại di động - một phát minh tuyệt vời?Điện thoại di động là một công nghệ tốt đó là không thiếu từ cuộc sống của chúng tôi. Báo cáo này sẽ thảo luận về những lợi thế và bất lợi của việc sử dụng điện thoại di động.Hôm nay, điện thoại di động đã trở thành phổ biến cho tất cả mọi người [đây là một over-generalization: nhiều người không thích họ. Sử dụng "hầu hết mọi người" hoặc một cái gì đó tương tự như] vì nó là rất thuận tiện. Những lợi thế của việc có một điện thoại di động là bạn có thể giao tiếp với gia đình của bạn và bạn bè của bạn không có vấn đề gì đâu chứ. Ví dụ, bạn có thể liên hệ với một cách dễ dàng để bạn bè của bạn bằng cách gọi điện thoại hoặc gửi tin nhắn ở khắp mọi nơi mà không có điện. Nó có lẽ là lý do chính tại sao hầu hết các [tốt, nhưng vẫn còn, là nó đúng?] người vào ngày hôm nay muốn sở hữu một điện thoại di động. Từ theo quan điểm của khách hàng, nó là rõ ràng rằng điện thoại di động giúp bạn trong kinh doanh rất nhiều, chẳng hạn như, làm cho lịch trình làm việc, lướt internet, và giữ liên lạc với công ty của họ. Hơn nữa, bạn có thể thư giãn với điện thoại di động ứng dụng, ví dụ, chơi trò chơi, nghe nhạc, hay trò chuyện với bạn bè của bạn.Mặt khác, cũng là khó khăn. Bằng cách sử dụng rất nhiều điện thoại di động có thể làm hại bạn não, đặc biệt là thiếu niên và trẻ em dưới 16 tuổi. Nếu bạn sử dụng điện thoại di động quá nhiều, bạn sẽ nhận được các tác động xấu như chóng mặt, hàng rào máu não-[hàng rào máu - não là chỉ đơn giản là bình thường giải phẫu rào cản giữa máu và não; nó không phải là một điều kiện], hoặc các vấn đề tai. Ngoài ra, khi bạn sử dụng điện thoại di động trong khi bạn đang lái xe, bạn sẽ nhận được một tai nạn. Nó là điều cần thiết không tốt cho bạn và những người khác. Hơn nữa, "tia phóng xạ phát ra từ điện thoại chết có hại cho màng Nhĩ", đã chứng minh bởi nhiều nhà khoa học. [You haven't discussed the irritating effect on other people in restaurants, buses etc. from users shouting down their phones].Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.R.Ann1977 Ann1977 is offlineSenior Member Member InfoJoin Date: Aug 2009Posts: 1,131Post Thanks / Like #3 03-Oct-2009, 07:00Re: Advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones. (please correct it)Mobile Phones - a great invention?Mobile Phones -- A Flawed Invention?Mobile phone is a good technology which is not lacking from our lives. This report will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones.> Delete> See? We are trimming words alreadyToday, mobile phone has become popular to everybody since it is very convenient. > phoneS have> popular FOR everybody> since THEY are > delete "very"Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular.The most advantage of having a mobile phone is you can communicate to your family and your friends no matter what where you are. For instance, you can contact easily to your friends by calling or sending messages everywhere without electricity. It is maybe the main reason why almost all people today choose to own a mobile phone. > Reduce the word count by deleting the repetition of the same idea.> You have used all these words to point out that mobile phones are mobile.With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection.From the customer’s point of view, it is obvious that mobile phones assist you in business a lot, such as, make schedule of working, surf the internet, and keep in touch with their companies.> "assist you in business a lot, such as,. . " should be "assist you in business by . . "> Don't shift from "we" to "you"> "make schedule of working" does not really carry a meaning> Surfing the internet belongs in the next sentenceOur cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses.Moreover, you can relax with mobile phone’s applications, for example, play games, listen to music, or chat with your friends.We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.On the other hand, there are also disadvantages. > Don't say both "on the other hand" AND "also"But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones.Using a lot mobile phone can harm your brain, particularly teenager and children who are under 16 years old. > using mobile phones a lot can harm your brain> spell out the number 16 as a wordUsing mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen.If you use mobile phones too much, you will get bad effects like dizzy, blood-brain barrier, or ears problems. > Blood-brain barrier is not a harmful effect. It is a part of the body.Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, (NOTE: Connect this sentence with the one after the next)In addition, when you use mobile phones while you are driving, you will get an accident. > get IN an accident(NOTE: Move this part to after the next one)And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.Moreover, “radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum”, has proved by many scientist. > It has not been proved by many scientists.and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.)(NOTE: Attach this after the word "dizziness" in the sentence above)It is essential not good for you and others. Owning a mobile phone in your hand is you can solve many issues and hold most of information around the world. Even though is not good for your health and you have to protect yourself from bad effects of mobile phones if you choose to have one.> This little summary is disorganized and poorly thought out.Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand. But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for you! P/s: Plz help me to correct this essay since next week i'm going to do final exam. How can i reduce this essay because i should write from 150 to 180 words and this essay has about 291 words. Thank you for helping me.I ran this through a Word doc to get a word count. This comes in at 190 words.Because of their convenience, mobile phones have become universally popular. With them we can call anyone at any time, independent of a landline connection. Our cellies keep us in constant communication with our families, our friends, and our businesses. We also use special apps for listening to music, playing games, surfing the net, and text messaging. It's hard to picture life as it was before the mobile phone.But there are disadvantages to the use of mobile phones. Using mobile phones is said to be harmful to the brain, especially for those who are under the age of sixteen. Excessive use of mobile phones has been accused of causing dizziness, and "radiations emitted from the phone are dead harmful for the eardrum," says (person's name and title.) And drivers distracted by talking on their cell phones are more likely to get into car crashes.Mobile phones solve problems and provide new channels of communication. We can access all the world's information no matter where we are, just by using a device small enough to fit into one hand. But be careful -- mobile phones might also be bad for

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