Lauren đứng paralysed, cô quan tâm trong tình trạng hỗn loạn, không chắc chắn những gì cô phải làm tốt nhất. Đầu của cô đã nói với cô ấy về nhà đi, để cho Camila một số không gian để có được thông qua những thách thức mà chờ đợi cô bên trong tòa nhà đó. Glancing trên khuôn mặt của người đã gần như giết bạn, hoặc là cố ý hay không, đã có được khó khăn, đủ cho Camila without Lauren những phức tạp những điều hơn nữa cô ấy bây giờ, rõ ràng là không mong muốn xuất hiện. Tuy nhiên, trái tim của Lauren contradicting đầu quyết liệt, hấp dẫn của mình để đuổi Camila, để ngăn chặn cô ấy đi bộ ra khỏi cô ấy và quan trọng hơn là họ. Trái tim của Lauren throbbed rất đau đớn trong ngực của cô, mà cô tưởng tượng nó được kéo mạnh mẽ chống lại bức tường ngực của cô với mỗi bước ra khỏi cô ấy rằng Edna đã cho. Như Lauren lưỡng lự, chiến đấu với trái tim của cô indecisively đầu cô, Camila biến mất bên trong tòa nhà và Lauren cảm thấy một đau không giống như bất cứ điều gì khác mà cô đã từng có kinh nghiệm trước khi trong cuộc sống của cô. Cô cảm thấy ngực dơ lên, máy expelling từ phổi của cô trong sobs khó khăn như cô khóc công khai và không ở bãi đậu xe nơi cô ở, âm thầm gaping tại cửa ra vào điện tử, cầu nguyện rằng tại bất kỳ thời điểm Camila sẽ xuất hiện trở lại. Cuối cùng, sau mười lăm phút chờ đợi, Lauren nhận ra rằng cô ấy sẽ không.Now that Camila had vanished out of sight, Lauren’s mind finally conquered her failing heart and she slowly made her way back towards her car, climbing into the drivers’ seat solemnly and slamming the door closed behind her in frustration. All she could think about whilst she sat there, her head resting listlessly against the window, was how this was her fault and the self-contempt she felt in that moment far exceeded any hatred that she felt towards Rachel. Yes, her ex-girlfriend was vindictive and malicious but it had been her finger that had pulled the trigger that may have ultimately ended her relationship with Camila. Rachel may have been the one to plant doubts in her mind about Camila’s feelings but Lauren had been the one to let them take root and fester, growing exponentially and indiscriminately like the cells of a malignant tumour until they completely consumed her. Camila herself had not given Lauren one single reason to distrust her feelings. In fact, her actions over the last twenty four hours alone should have been enough to convince Lauren that she was being ridiculous and asinine for even giving Rachel’s comments a moment’s consideration.Lauren was angry with Rachel for making her question Camila’s feelings and her commitment to their relationship but, more than anything, Lauren was livid with herself. She allowed Rachel to get under her skin, to taint everything special that she and Camila shared, twisting it around in Lauren’s head until she’d become irrational and self-destructive. Rachel had gotten exactly what she’d wanted with very little effort and Lauren had allowed it to happen, playing right into her ex-girlfriends hands without even a second thought. Lauren cursed herself mentally for being such an idiot, lifting her head from its position against the window and turning her key in the ignition, firing the engine into life noisily.Lauren debated staying in her car and waiting in the parking lot for Camila to come back out, but, she thought better of it when she remembered the withdrawn and unresponsive form that she’d found yesterday afternoon when she’d gone to Camila’s house after school. She decided that, no matter what they were going through right now, Camila didn’t need the extra complication, not when she was already dealing with so much. So, Lauren slowly put her car in reverse and pulled out of her parking space, exiting the lot and making her way along the road beyond, driving with no particular destination in mind, aimlessly and reflectively as she considered everything that had transpired in the last few hours.She couldn’t have told you how long she drove for, or which streets she had passed on her seemingly arbitrary journey, but, Lauren would always remember where she’d ended up, parked at the beach, in the same spot as she had the evening of her first date with Camila. Lauren stared out her window at the ocean, watching the waves as they rolled into the shore and crashed into the sand beneath, stirring it up and agitating it furiously. The imagery wasn’t wasted on Lauren and she pictured Rachel, the stormy sea sweeping in and disturbing the sand, or as she imagined it, her relationship with Camila. Lauren vividly remembered a particular story that Camila had shared with her that evening that they had sat together on the beach and a quote, that seemed especially relevant to their situation now, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”Camila had told Lauren that at the time she’d not understood the words. That it hadn’t been until after her accident that they’d finally made sense and although Lauren had grasped the meaning of the quote rather quickly, it was only now that she truly appreciated it. As she sat there,
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